after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
