I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
