sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She bit a glass in half.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
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i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
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I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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