Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
