I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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