i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Say something about gay babies.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
