Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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