Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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