Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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