My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
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Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
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A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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