yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
