BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??