One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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