people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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