I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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