I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The power of my boobs compel you
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize