Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
