is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
