I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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