I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
