I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
