I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
