i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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