Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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