clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
