life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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