I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
this is an emotional support booty call
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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