I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
