Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
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