A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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