I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
