Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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