he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
