he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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