Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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