Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
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Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
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Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize