Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
