Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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