So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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