One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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