im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I need water and some morals
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