You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
