I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
