He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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