I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
