just come out here and I will go home with you...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
