i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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