just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
