You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
