omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize