I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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