White coat. Heels.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
