I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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