Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize