so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize