Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
