Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
