somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
