these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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