he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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