Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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