I cannot find my penis.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
