How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
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Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
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Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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