2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
