hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
