apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...