Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.

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(703): I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts. http://tfl.nu/s7w5

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.

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(617): So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon. http://tfl.nu/mzh2

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Oh yea! I was just doing that too!

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(814): I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina. (610): Oh yea! I was just doing that too! http://tfl.nu/grjr

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt

(1-859): View more from Kentucky

And?

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(859): Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt (1-859): And? http://tfl.nu/z2de

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(519): View more from Ontario

oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again

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(519): oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again http://tfl.nu/6u76

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(720): View more from Colorado

Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong

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(720): Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong http://tfl.nu/wxwn

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(712): View more from Iowa

My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!

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(712): My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN! http://tfl.nu/er39

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(914): View more from New York

I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already

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(914): I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already http://tfl.nu/bq9r

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.

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(859): I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt. http://tfl.nu/2lr3

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.

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(832): I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers. http://tfl.nu/48lf

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(347): View more from New York

It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself

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(347): It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself http://tfl.nu/qcs9

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.

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(202): My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about. (202): Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ. http://tfl.nu/wtju

Replies (6) Good night (2957) Bad night (742)
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(513): View more from Ohio

Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.

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(513): Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen. http://tfl.nu/spnv

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(631): View more from New York

Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.

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(631): Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl. http://tfl.nu/065k

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss

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(724): Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss http://tfl.nu/6mbx

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