Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"