What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?