I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram